http://vimeo.com/51565514
After watching the video above (see link), the only thing I can say is "Amazing Love"....
I saw this video a few days ago and it brought me, and the room full of ladies that I was with, to tears. I am in a class with approximately 14 other women; a class that is focused on enabling us to heal from the wounding that life has dealt to us; a class that is to enable us to see thru all of the crud and junk to come to know who we are... who God created us to be. It is only thru that healing, and with the knowledge that we acquire, that we can reach out to come along side other women on this difficult journey called life.
Watch the video then come back to read the rest of this.....
The power of this video sooo touches my heart. I have felt that all of the horrible things that have happened in life, whether by my actions or others, have come between me and who I really am... between me and Jesus. I have let myself buy into the lie that I am is damaged goods. How could I ever get back to that pure, joy filled, innocent little girl that I once was....
I have also felt... even just this week... like I am the girl in the video who is fighting, kicking, screaming to get thru all of those demons back to Jesus, back to a place that I can't even remember... perfect peace.... And this week I have had a taste of it.... finally.... And it is glorious..... It's home.....
As this video portrays near the end, my beloved Jesus is holding back, fighting with and finally destroying those demons that always seem to be scratching at the edge of my consciousness with whispered humiliating memories... "remember when you did this..." "remember when that person did that to you...." "how can you ever trust others... how can you trust YOURSELF... again" "you are too fat"... "you are worthless".... "you will never be happy"...."no one will EVER love you"... and so on and so on.....
Last weekend I had the most heart wrenching thing happen. I found out that an opportunity I have wanted for a long long time had been entirely possible for me, if I would just have believed it. However, now, it appears that the opportunity could be forever lost. The day after I found out, I felt grief, regret and wondered if I was being punished. I allowed myself a day to wallow and the next morning awoke with life looking a bit brighter.
While in conversation with God, ideas began going "pop" "pop" in my brain. I started journalling and, ladies let me tell you, revelations, epiphanies, what ever you want to call them, seemed to start exploding in my spirit! It was like so many truths that I have heard others talk about, suddenly became truth, became real, to me.
This week the truth of what faith really is, started finally opening up to me; the truth of what it means to love someone with God's love, a love that is more concerned with giving than getting, which is a glimpse of how God loves us; the truth of what it feels like to truly let go of something you want with all your heart; and the truth of being "others focused" instead of self focused. It has been amazing.
Let me tell you all, there is nothing like getting a glimpse of how amazing God's love truly is! I have now had a taste of what it really looks like to be totally consumed with love by Jesus and I want more!
I wish it was something that I could just take out of my heart heart and transplant into yours! Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, that is a journey that I cannot take for you no, matter how much I share with you what I am learning. I say fortunately because, tho it can be sooo painful at times, it is soooooooo worth it!
I have to bring this post to a close, but I can't wait to get back and share more with you!
Hugs!
