There is this concept called "Letting go". For me, to find freedom in this walk with God I have had to come to the point of letting go in so many areas. I'm sure I will continue be faced, through out my life, with situations where I have to "let go."
As I look back, I see that letting go is becoming easier and easier. I have a tendency to "hold onto" things sooooo tightly that when I am faced with the possibility that they might be taken from me, I clutch onto them even more tightly. This causes stress, confusion, heartache, tears, anger.... You name it. I run the gamut of emotions.
What does letting go look like to me? I'll use my job as an example. I have worked there for almost 19 years. I am a single mom who needs to provide for her household. This is a small office and I am very comfortable there. A new rule was instated in our office not long ago regarding a certain mistake. Whoever made this mistake would 1) Get sent home for the day with no pay the first time 2) Be immediately fired the second time it happened. Wouldn't you know, I did mess up. I was sent home with no pay.
Th3 first time it happened I was swamped with feelings of humiliation that I made a mistake, anger that I had been a long time employee and they were subjecting me to this silly rule, and fear that I would lose my job, not be able to take care of my family, and not be able to find another one that I liked or paid as well.
Because of all of this I began to clutch my job that much tighter, and attempted to be absolutely perfect in my performance. BUT no matter how hard I tried, I made the mistake again.... and again.... and again..... You know what I learned from this? A lesson on God's grace. My boss kept giving me another chance. You know what else I learned? I learned to "let go".
I reached a point of surrender. A point where it did not even bother me to think I could lose my job. As a matter of fact, I even felt an excitement that this would just open the door for me to find something better. I began to relax in my job and not worry about how I was being treated or what the others thought of me, and life is sooooo much better now. I feel freedom from fear of losing my job.
This has happened in several areas of my life now. I lost my home and I fought the fear of that. Eventually I surrendered and moved in with my mother. Just recently she signed her home over to me as she plans to move into something smaller and more age friendly. I now have a home that is payment free. No house payment, no rent just setting aside monthly for insurance and taxes. Is that not a God thing!!! It's not fancy, but I see soooo much potential here and I look forward to making it a home.
Now to the bigee.... Letting go of the dream of a romantic relationship.... Now that's tough... Today I had a taste of what letting go of that might taste like. At this moment I feel whatever God chooses to do, I'm FINALLY open and wanting to trust Him. Am I perfect at the trusting part? No, but isn't that where God comes in?
Roman's 4:1-3 ..." If Abraham, by what he did for God, got God to approve him, he could certainly have taken credit for it. But the story we’re given is a God-story, not an Abraham-story. What we read in Scripture is, “Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.”
Will I trust Him tomorrow in all things.... in the romance department? Who knows... It's a day by day journey. There is "just enough light for the step I'm on." We are only given enough faith for one day at a time.
No, trusting is not easy. It seems that we learn to trust by the messy, complicated situations that we get into or that life brings to us. However, once we have passed through the trials, the lessons we have learned opens up a whole new view on life.
John 16:20-21 comes to mind as I picture this "...Yes, you will be deeply distressed, but your pain will turn into joy. When a woman gives birth to a child, she certainly knows pain when her time comes. Yet as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers her agony for joy that a man has been born into the world. Now you are going through pain, but I shall see you again and your hearts will thrill with joy—the joy that no one can take away from you..."
In finally... or should I say "again".... reaching the point of letting go in this area, it feels like a huge pain is lifted. At least for today.... It no longer weighs you down and burdens you. At least for today.... It is FREEDOM! At least for today.....
Maybe God allowing our anguish to linger to the point where we let go.... to the point where human wants are expelled from our spirit..... is to give us freedom. It's not to beat us down like we were just slave hands in a field. I don't know but I DO know it is an AMAZING feeling! The sky is the limit! NOW God can move it and make things happen because we have moved out of the way. We are no longer making our own plans.
The biggest sense of freedom I am getting tho is when I recognize that I may have been trying to do a little micromanaging, it doesn't mean that all is lost. I simply immediately quit trying to make something happen, back off, say "So sorry God. May your grace cover my mistake...", and I go on.
I found myself coming to recognize a bit of it this week and started to cower in fear of punishment. Punishment that He would just give up and walk away. That's not what happened. My trust came in and replaced the fear. My trust that He knew my heart. He knew that I didn't deliberately try to make my own plans. I just slipped up a bit. I trust Him to take that into account and, like a GPS, continue to "recalculate" when I take a wrong turn.
As I've said so often. I had to believe.... just believe......
