The More I Learn, the Less I know.....
I love to learn. I love to read, research, question, ponder, pray over, and to untangle subjects that intrigue me. Most of all, my favorite thing is to listen to someone's story in hopes that somewhere in the telling, they can begin to unravel the threads of confusion and pain that have them bound.
In my insatiable quest for knowledge, a curious thing has happened. The thing that I have discovered is the more I learn, the less I know. Each person, each situation is unique. There is no "one size fit's all" answer.
Yes, as an outsider looking in, I may often think I have the very answer that would help them out of the hole they are in. In fact, the solution could look SO simple that I am unable to understand how they could not see it themselves. The problem is, unless I am in their heart, mind, life, body, and spirit, I cannot even IMAGINE how to tell them to extricate themselves from the ties that bind.
I myself have been in many of those situations over my lifetime, and am in fact in one now. If I told you about it, you would probably give me a look of amazed stupefaction because, to you, the answer is so self-evident.
What you do not know is what I have in my history. You do not have the exact combination of experiences I have had that have led me to the habits and beliefs I have. Even if you did, your perception of each situation would be solely yours.
Indeed, there are many people out in this world that are so arrogant or so hardened they already have all the answers. Those people most likely will not be caught up in indecision long enough to need to confide in you. They will also be ones who think they have all of the answers for you AND everyone else, also! This can be said of folks in Christian circles as well as of those who are not.
In my case it was some very well meaning Christian leaders that led me hopelessly astray and I am still unraveling the snarls that were caused to my perceptions and decision making.
I find myself unconsciously reverting to old principles and rules that are twisted and warped. To me, THOSE things are natural and deep-seated as I was taught them in my "Christian Infancy". Even when I broadened my horizons by listening to, and reading, other spiritual material, my view of things still had that tainted slant of my original teacher. The contamination to my thinking still lingers.
For me, it is my experience with impaired religious teaching that often has me floundering in finding resolutions that may seem simple to others. For you, it could be a sin or addiction, abuse, lack of healthy relationships, cultural beliefs, etc. that cause you to stumble and become bewildered as to how to use sound judgement.
I used to become rather scornful of others who allowed themselves to flounder and remain embroiled in situations that were consistently self defeating and painful. The answers were so obvious! Why did they keep complaining if they weren't going to try something different??!
Yeah.... I can have a pretty snotty, self righteous attitude if I'm not careful.....
For the past three years I have been dealing with a dilemma that is completely baffling to me. Advice I received was fairly consistent from person to person, and I DID try to enforce it..... only to find myself fail and fail again at following thru. Why is it so difficult to heed their suggestions??!
Lately I have given up.... I have given up in trying to find a solution and have just prayed that God untangle things. Yes, I follow my conscience and have not crossed any lines though I have skirted close a time or two. I told God that I simply do not know what to do and I need Him to guide my steps.
As I have done this, things have began to come to light that allow me to relax and begin to develop a different view.... a different attitude. While I am still confused as to what action to take, I have begun to relax. No longer does shame and the pressure of feeling forced to make a decision drive me. This has brought more peace and clarity into my mind, heart, and spirit.
No, I didn't just give up but I did surrender. I allowed myself to quit fighting to DO, to RESOLVE, to FIGURE OUT. I allowed myself time to relax and turn to God admitting defeat. I began to focus on today and the next decision in front of me instead of on trying to find a decisive direction.
Instead of offering advice, I often find myself saying "This is how I see it, but I am not in your shoes. Only you will know when you have reached the end of living this way. It's then you will know something has to change for good. At that time you will make the change or seek the help you need."
I guess it IS simple... Recognize that accepting someone right where they are at is the best help we can be to them. Acknowledge them as the precious and rare gift they are, even as you, once again, limp back with them through the same field of defeat and despair they have repeatedly traversed through.
It's being willing to truck with them through the cruddy swampland of healing they are blundering through. And it IS a journey of healing. Healing is not an overnight process, it is a daily cleansing of pain, it is a daily healing of your life. – Leon Brown
You never know, this pass through MIGHT just be the one where you or someone else finds that new road you've been seeking. THIS time, that same rocky trail might just unexpectedly reveal a hidden path that you've never noticed before. You take it and suddenly find yourself in a place of certainty and light. You now know what to do.
Yes, more and more often I find myself confident of only this one thing: The more I learn, the less I know.
You know what? It's really not a bad place to be. It means that there is now an infinite number of brilliantly hued ways that things can be resolved instead of just that black and white version we so often have. And that's a good thing.... a place of hope.....
So are you willing to get your hands dirty? Are you willing to travel with others down those craggy paths and around those jagged mountain bends of cramped, indecisive lockup? Are you, yourself willing to relax and look around in wonder in all that you're learning while you are "incarcerated" by uncertainty and seeming ineffectiveness?
Ok then.... let's get this party started......
The future belongs to the few of us still willing to get our hands dirty. Anonymous
