The Aroma of Freedom.....

 "I was realizing that True love grows out of a deep inner strength which comes from knowing who you are.

True love grows out of the certainty and confidence of knowing your purpose, your design. And from being alive inside..

The knowledge that I had a reason to “be” became more powerful than rejection…than the realization that someone was not right for me… than criticism…than hurt…than loss…

It set me free to live my life, even alone, because there was something more important than being in a relationship."Bernice McDonald

I love sharing bits of truth I run across with friends.  I hope it's ok that I consider you my friend and want to share things I read, hear, lean and discover about life and myself with you.

I am not a professional blogger, writer, teacher or encourager.  However,  I do enjoy doing those things.   What you read here comes from a heart that is learning.... that is becoming open and healed and eager to share my journey with you; one who hopes to hear about yours.

I feel as if my spirit is standing, arms spread wide, head thrown back, breathing in an intoxicating aroma that I recognize as freedom.....  Could that possibly be what that sweet fragrance is...?

There has been a major, all out attack on my beliefs.... on how I view my purpose.  I have been seeing my purpose as focusing on others "out there";  I was to be "out there" coming alongside the hurting .  

Yes, how I live out my purpose will benefit others but what feeds me?.....my spirit?  What brings me the most enjoyment?   I would have to say it is writing.

I feel a peace, a rightness, and a deep satisfaction when writing.  To borrow a corny phrase from the movie Jerry McGuire, "It completes me." 

 It doesn't matter whether I am journaling, blogging, writing an email or furiously scribbling an angry letter....  I love communicating this way.  In recognizing this,  I feel some.... some.... inner knowing that wasn't there before.  

Can I be honest here?  Confessing that makes me feel... well, silly.  I am the "Queen of Flights of Fancy", living at the corner of Scattered Thoughts Street and Utter Chaos Road.  Who am I to think I can lasso my stampeding herd of  hysterical logic and turn it into oh so perfectly penned prose?  (Whew! Say that fast three times!)

Will anything come of it?  Will anyone 'get it"?  Who knows.  That doesn't take away from the fact that I love it.

In conversation yesterday, when talking about my desire for a relationship, I explained that I did not NEED someone but I WANTED someone to share this journey of helping others... someone to hold my hand.  

The question was put to me "What brings you the most enjoyment?"  It's writing. "Do you see someone holding your hand while you're writing?"  

Uh...No.....  It's something I get lost in and I don't want anyone else there.  I don't need anyone else...."  Wha...? What did I just say?!

In saying that, it was like I could feel, and even SEE, enlightenment.

My focus went from "out there" and wanting someone to hold my hand in that journey, to "in me" and feeling an inner stabilizing... a gratifying peace.  There was a sudden feeling of freedom.  There is a sense that life will be phenomenal with or without a relationship.  

Will I view things differently tomorrow?  Next week?  I don't know but it seems like something has changed..... I hope permanently...

Today I ran across an offer for free books.  My eyes glanced at, and dismissed, a book titled "Never Give Up on True Love" by Bernice McDonald.  A romance novel?  Not for me.

I swear I felt a little nudge that said "look again."  Maybe it was the Mexican food I had for lunch doing a little rumba,  but I think not....  

The book was NOT a romance novel.  It was a true story written from the heart of a woman who had loved and lost, and continued to lose. It was a story of how, through brokenness, she discovered God's purpose for her in the mess she called life.

I immediately began to read it and have continued to do so throughout the day.  I literally felt a small jolt in my spirit when I read the words that I began this post with.

That's me! That's how I feel today!!!  And I hope it continues to grow and develop into a full fledged outpouring of the authentic me.

This has been what my last two years of praying, hoping, growing, learning,  inner struggle and grasping at the elusive strands of change have been all about;  It's about knowing who I am... really... knowing my purpose and design..... knowing I have a reason to "be".....  to experience freedom.

Could it be that I am finally getting it?!  That I'm finally seeing the truth?  I don't know but for tonight.... just for tonight.... I'm going to believe, just believe that my focus has finally shifted.

I don't think this book could have come at a more perfect time. Does she get a guy in the end?  I dunno know.  You'll have to read it...  Let me close by using one more quote from Bernice.... one that captures my thoughts in a nutshell:

 "I am discovering the incredible magic that comes to your life when you begin to meet your own needs....".          Oh yeah...........

*A big thanks to Kim for being the wonderfully wise woman that asked me the question that enabled things to finally click into place in my spirit, because I sure wasn't grasping it in my head!  Luv ya, friend.....