"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 niv"Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” Matthew 19:26 msg
Tho this may sound frustrating and defeating, it is actually a wonderful tid bit of encouragement.... a promise from God.
You see, to me, this is saying that He knows I cannot do this on my own. It is not my job to grunt, strain, groan and mentally whip myself to pieces. I feel it is my responsibility, my JOY, to just relax into Him, trusting that He will do it in His time. This is all on your real God journey.... the journey to trusting Him.
*Dr. Dan has shared with Freeing Me class his belief that our experiences in life have built up a huge layer of gunk (I think that's a technical term... haha) between our mind and our spirit. Our mind's primary job is to protect us. It tends to over ride everything until God can "unclog our drain."
God knows that we have that gunk build up, and His Holy Spirit is the plumber. HE is the expert, not us so we can relax with a cup of coffee, just following Him the best that we can, and one of these days, the experiences that He allows us to have, the good AND bad, will be used to slowly unclog that drain. I had one of those experiences today...
Yesterday I got confronted by my boss. I was technically not guilty of what he had claimed I had done, so everything else conveniently faded to the back of my mind. He came to me and said "Tell me you did not post on FaceBook at 11:30 this morning. (while I'm at work) My wife said you posted a picture or something on there at that time." I genuinely was perplexed and quickly checked my FaceBook page and reported to him that the only post I had made was more like 12:30, which was my lunch hour.
That evening I went home after work and checked my FB activity. Lo and behold, I found in my list that I had "liked" one of her comments. When you do that, it sends an email to that person with the time that you "liked" it.... 10:50 a.m. Oh... my..... goodness.... I felt sick to my stomach. I felt guilt. I felt fear. You name it, I felt it. And what I also felt was that I only felt this way because I'd been caught. It wasn't repentance I was feeling (which is a conviction from God that prompts you to not want to do this again because you know it is not walking in integrity.) I was feeling upset because I got caught..... not the same thing.
In developing a closer relationship with God, I've begun to recognize these things in me and just be honest. I told Him this morning "My heart is not right in this. Please make it right. I don't like feeling like this. I don't like BEING like this!"
As I talked to Him, things began to unfold in me. I started thinking about how Dr. Dan prompted us more than 6 months ago, and again in a recent class, to strive for excellence in all that we do... especially in our jobs. This is where we will lay a foundation for enabling others to develop respect for us. Well, as usual, I didn't "get it". I would try a little here and there but quickly fell back into the same pattern of doing well, but not striving for excellence.
Now, when Dr. Dan said excellence, he stressed that he did not mean perfection. He said that we were to do the best that we can; that is our own personal excellence. I have not been doing that by a long shot. As I'm typing this, I am realizing that, for me, I could substitute the word "integrity", for excellence.
I'm gonna give a little side note here: There is this one thing about me that I should share. I tend to resist certain words that make me feel pressured, so I substitute a word that means the same thing to me, but feels like an encouragement instead of a noose around my neck.
For me, finding the right word or phrase is what helps set me up for failure or success. In this case, the word excellence gives me a picture of... hmmm... biblical law? Do it perfect or be punished? On the other hand, the word integrity gives me a picture of grace; of "just do the best that you can, honey. I believe in you. I know you have it in you." Ok... so I get carried away, but I DO love words! You are unique so you choose what works for you.
This morning, underneath all the grumblings of guilt and fear of saving my own hiney, I felt a stirring of... belief. It also helped that I had just been reading "The Power of a Woman's Words" by Sharon Jaynes and she was talking about how we cannot control our tongues in our flesh, but the Holy Spirit can do it in us. I felt this light start to slowly dawn in me.
I cannot be excellent/have integrity by my own power and might, but if I could just BELIEVE that the Holy Spirit is doing it thru me, then maybe, just maybe, there is hope for me. I haven't even been able to stir up the enthusiasm for being excellent, but if I could just believe that it is already in me, thru the Holy Spirit, then it CAN happen! Then (imagine me looking down like a chastised little girl, my hands behind my back, drawing pictures in the dust with my toe so I don't have to look in the disciplinarians face) I said "God, could you give me another chance at work...?"
My mind drifted to how I cannot seem to stick with a diet. Well, if the Holy Spirit could somehow enable me to BELIEVE that He can do it in me, then SURELY it will be done! Uh... that's a subject for another time tho... heehee.
My thoughts then turned to how others might see me in an even better light if I could corral my words, my attitude, AND become excellent in all that I undertake: especially at being a wife and mother. Suddenly the truth hit me... for the first time EVER! It is not about pleasing others..., a committe, a friend, a child, about keeping my job, or about looking good. It is about pleasing God! (When a man's ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. Proverbs 16:7)
Yes, I know the verse "work as unto the Lord." Colossians 3:23. Or as the Message version puts it "Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work." But, like with everything else in my life, I just didn't GET it. My focus has always been, even when I don't realize it, on pleasing others.
Suddenly I don't feel the fear of losing my job. I am enthused with suddenly having another chunk of "gunk" clear out of my drain! I then stopped and said "God, you know I have these sudden bursts of enthusiasm ALOT, especially for diets, then it quickly dies away and I am back to where or I started or even worse. What then came to me was the opening line of this post. To believe or not believe, that is the question.
Girls, the Holy Spirit has just been opening my eyes so much lately to the basic foundation of this God journey. As you are hearing me say more and more, it is not about ANYTHING that I can do. It is not about ANYTHING I can manufacture up. It's all about what HE can do in us... it's about trust. Trusting, having faith....
He has unclogged a huge portion of that junk that prevented me from understanding this simplistic foundation. We must come as little children... we must believe as little children do. That NOTHING is impossible. We must believe as we did before life convinced us that everything was so complicated. That WE had to be the one to do something or it wouldn't get done. “Let these children alone. Don’t get between them and me. These children are the kingdom’s pride and joy. Mark this: Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.”Luke 18:16-17
We have turned something so simple, faith, into this horribly hard thing we have to strive to attain. It is NOT us that will do it in us. It is God. Believe.... simply believe.....
*I take classes from a man I call Dr. Dan, and you will run across his name in my posts occasionally. He is a counselor, but not just any counselor. I believe that he has a very strong calling from God in his life to tap into the Holy Spirit, and not lean on his own understanding, to help people heal. He also seems to have a tender spot for encouraging broken, wounded women back onto their feet on focusing on what created them to be... who they really are.... something that almost all women have forgotten.
