Lately I've been thinking about updating the layout of my blog. I've been looking at the blogs of others and noticing the clean, simple lines of their site... the tidy tabs at the top, organizing subjects.Then I come back and look at mine. Clean? Simple? Black and white? sigh.....
My title says it all.... Mess.... The background is a delightful chaotic spill of girly colors. The font of my title is in childlike balloon letters.
My favorite blogs and reads are crammed and crunched over to one side of the page. There is also some powerful editing that needs to be done to make things an easier read. I'm working on it.... I'll get there.... eventually.... Maybe....
As I pondered over how to address these issues today, my mind drifted to a post on a friend's blog I read last night. This line stands out at the moment "individuality is suppressed and outward expression of uniqueness is erased." (Thanks *Rebecca!) Wow.... I've been there and everything in me fights against it today. Thus my helter-skelter layout and way of looking at life....
For a time, when living in religious conformity, I forced myself to live in a black and white world. There were no shades of grey, and definitely no kaleidoscope of fun, girly colors splashed around in my spiritual life.
I may often sound like a broken record through out my writings on this blog, as I often touch on the same subjects; uniqueness, relationship instead of religion, love instead of control and punishment, quotes to clarify what I'm trying to say. Lots of quotes.....
As I look back at last years posts, yes.... I do still see a lot of religiousity in them but I also see the liberal splashes of truth and growth scattered throughout. Like a seed finally sown in good soil I'm beginning to flourish....
This has not been a neatly organized, tidy, ladylike process for me. I have come out of the box of rigidly organized religion kicking, screaming and running like my hair is on fire. It has NOT been clean and simple. Every day I continue to get caught on the brambles of uncertainty and indecision. It find's me asking myself "Am I straying too far.... Am I pushing the boundaries of grace just a little too much?"
I have reached a point where I am tired of fear. My friends tell me when I feel afraid, it means I'm not ready to move forward. I have begun to believe that it can very well be a time when God is saying "Fear is not of me.... go ahead.... I've got your back!"
Yes, my blog layout may be colorful, cramped and untidy in places, full of chaotic thoughts, and... well.... just a hot mess. But that is me right now..... a hot mess. And you know what? I'm learning to love the explosion of colors that are blasting out of the tightly closed crate I hid them in.
Look at your life.... Do you often feel a desire to be carefree again? To take risks again? Do you feel giggles escaping at inappropriate times? Do you feel the need to slip on your capri's and flip flops, grab a book and a glass of iced tea and wander down to the lake shore, instead of doing those chores you know just have to be done?
Don't be ashamed or condemned because of your very real human reactions and desires. Yes, we have to be responsible in how we handle things... we can't hurt ourselves or others.... but we can acknowledge what is just true in the moment.
However it is that you want to step out of the box, maybe you should try it even if it feels uncomfortable. However you want to splash those vibrant colors inside you onto that black and white canvas of life, do it!
Do you want to take a class? Do it! Do you want to write a book? Do it! Do you want to let your hair down and just be you? Do it! Do you want to volunteer somewhere? Do it! Do you want to have a slumber party with your grown up friends and just feel youthful for a night? Do it! Do you need to seek counsel to get rid of baggage from your past? Do it now! Don't wait another day!
Yes, we do have to be that responsible grown up a lot of the time. However, please do let that dreamer.... that silly heart.... come out and play occasionally. And whether you do it in a neatly organized fashion or in a full blown disarray of child like abandon, just do it! Start today!
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Check out *Rebecca's amazing blog! thepresentmom.blogspot.com
