It's Not About You....

Ugh... how I used to hate those words.... "It's not about you."  So often shyness or my perception of how others see me has held me back.   It's held me back from friendships, from volunteering as a parent at school, from trying out for cheerleader, school plays,  from so many things.

 I did not like me so I was unable to see how others could.  I've heard more than once by well meaning friends "What makes you think you are so special that others are even noticing you?  It's not about you..."

Oh great.. Not only am I selfish and self focused but, as you just said, I'm not special either..."  sigh....  I'm begging you, think next time before you use those words.  They can crush a spirit.  They did mine.

 I was not at a place that was yet rooted in God's love.  I was not at a place of recognizing that He made me... my looks, my personality... He made it all and He was well pleased with it.   I did not yet understand that HE would be the one to gently mold, with such a tender love, His creation into completion.

Lord, I wanna yearn for you.... I wanna burn with passion over you and only you....

I'm listening to the song "Yearn" by Shane and Shane at the moment.  After years of trying to reach this place, HE is bringing it into a reality in my heart.  Nothing else matters but Him... not the changes, not the "stuff", and not even the vision He has for me.  I think His biggest delight is me being right in this moment, caught up in Him.... He is all that matters....

Ok, I got lost for a minute...  back to "it's not about you", except I believe it is.  It's about He and I... it's about our relationship.  That is the heart of all of this.  It HAS to be about me and Him.  Out of the relationship He builds with me flows true authentic love for others.  You've heard "You can't give what you don't know."  Thru my experience I have come to believe that.  It's not until I can learn about His unconditional love that I can give it away... give it to others.

When I come to see the mistakes, the outright failures that He continues to love me unconditionally thru, THEN I can see others thru the same nonjudgmental, unconditionally loving eyes.  It's kind of a catch 22.  I have to come to believe that He still loves me with fierce devotion even thru my badness to be able to give that to others.  Yet I have had the pleasure of Him bringing people into my life that loves me thru it all, to give me a... a... glimpse.... of His unfailing love.

What about those of you that have not had even one person show you unconditional love?  I'm not talking about showing you love by agreeing with all that you do, but by continuing to love you even if they have to withdraw from your life so God can work, or so that they themselves are not destroyed. 

Unconditional love is not putting up with all that you do, so don't go get that idea.  I feel that sometimes God has had to step back when I am bound and determined to go my own way.  He steps back because He loves me and will not force me to do what I don't want to do.  He won't force me to give up what I don't want to give up.  That's free will.  But thru it all, His heart is with me, never losing hope.

To get back to the subject... what about those of you have not had even one person show you unconditional love?  It's hard to grasp what you've never known so ask Him to show you.  Ask Him to give you a revelation in your heart of His love.  I did....

In my experience, it is only thru gaining insight as to who you are, and loving who you are, that true relaxing can come to your spirit.  It is then that you start to no longer need the approval of others so much.  It is then that you don't NEED them to accept you first.

 No, it's not easy to make this transition but I'm proof that it can be done.  You can then start to focus on others and on enabling THEM to feel accepted.  Sometimes it flows naturally and easily.  Sometimes you will have to make a choice to ignore your discomfort and step out, making it a point to focus on being there for others.

Often times you will find the door opening and people responding to you.  If they don't, use it as an opportunity to learn.  Use it as an opportunity to draw close to God for comfort.  Yes, your stomach may be in knots.  Yes, you may feel rejected.

I use it as an opportunity to ask God to enable me to not depend on the reaction from others, to not feel "less than" just because I have been rejected.For me, it is growing in this area that is giving me a sense of freedom; freedom from the actions and feelings of others controlling me.   
.