A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest (wo)men.... Willie Wonka

Oh WoW! Oh WoW!  Ever have one of those days where you feel like your mind is running a mile a minute!  I'm having one today.  What is it that Willie Wonka said?.. "So much time and so little to do.  Scratch that; reverse it."  (LOVE that movie!)

As I'm thinking these thoughts, it is like a mini hurricane is going on in my head.  Over the last few days, idea after idea of blog posts are pinging around in my brain. I have already started a few and will post  after this.

Also, opportunity after opportunity seems to be appearing on the horizon.  It is suddenly like God opened the flood gates and bounty galore is pouring down!  Have you read the verse Malachi 3:10"......prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."  That is what it feels like lately; like there is not room enough to receive it and I am just BURSTING with possibilities, understanding and blessings!  

Is it because I am such a wise, obedient, correct Church lady?  I would have to say no... well, if I'm honest, I would have to shout NO!!!.  It's because of nothing I have done other than to seek His love, to seek out who He is.  

Oh yes, I originally started out by trying to follow all of the rules that we are taught by religion.  "Don't do this but DO do that.."  sigh.... I can't tell you how lost, confused and down right terror ridden that I became.  It went so far as to cause emotional and mental confusion to such an extent that it forced a hospital stay and several years of recovery.  I am still recovering in some ways.

During my healing process,  I finally started to shrug off doing things just because I SHOULD and started being honest with God by saying, "My heart doesn't feel this is wrong" or "My heart does not want to do this tho you said I should".  I then felt a load come off my shoulders.  AND, surprise, surprise.... my world did not fall apart; it actually began coming together for the first time in my life.   

Curses, plaques and locusts did not rain down on me.  Instead, I realized that I could trust God with my truth....  truth that I hid even from myself.  I could be honest with Him about everything and His shoulders were broad enough to take it.  His love and His grace was deep enough to absorb it ALL and in return, He would tenderly polish the teensy little seed of truth I had in there; that He had planted in there from the beginning of time.  He would polish it, nourish it, cuddle it, and coax it to blossom into HIS truth.

His love replaced the distrust and darkness that was in me.  He traded "beauty for ashes" Isaiah 61:3.  HE did it, not me.  I have quit trying to fix myself and gently confide in Him "it's not going to change if You don't change it.  I can't keep feeling guilty and like a failure because I do this thing that is not your best for my life." 

I quit focusing on what I can't do, and start focusing on what I can do... on where I want to go in life.  Dr. Dan says that this is the .... error in thinking.... that the church has.  It points out how you are failing instead of pointing you to finding out WHO Christ created you to be.  You are unique; you are not a "stepford wife Christian."  You are one of a kind.  

As I said, I now try to be forward focused.  My past does not define me.  My mistakes do not define me. My lack does not define me.  Christ defines me.  My job is to discover who I am.  What values are truly mine, given by God to create me in my uniqueness, and what values are man made, or are made from my experiences.  We'll talk more about this later.  

Anyway, after time passes, in most cases, I look back and see WOW! the amazing work He has done on me.  The process will take a life time but HE does the work.  My part is just asking Him to bring me to the point of being willing to change, or being willing to let go of everything, even the things I really REALLY want... like a husband.  He doesn't want me to hand those things over because He wants to deprive me.  He is saying "Let me have those fake pearls so that I can give you these real ones I have for you.  Trust me...."

My part is also to ask Him to help me to understand where He is leading me, and to try to follow Him the best I can.  I am only responsible for responding to what I sense He is telling me.  HE is responsible for any outcomes, not me.  Often, it won't make sense by my worldly standards.

 Remember the verse "My way's are higher than your ways" or as The Message version puts it "“I don’t think the way you think.  The way you work isn’t the way I work.”God’s Decree.“For as the sky soars high above earth so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think".  

This process of following Him, not knowing where I am going an not even WHY I am going,  is building a trust in me. Eventually I start seeing things thru my spiritual eyes.  That is when things normally start to make sense.  Often I start to see the work He is doing in me, as well as in others whose paths I intersect with. This whole process is trial and error.  You start to recognize His leading normally only by allowing yourself to make mistakes, to fail.

As I've said, this is ALL part of His working to gain my trust.  I can't just manufacture trust in Him.  He knows the wounds I've suffered in life that have caused a natural mistrust in me. He knows the world I've been raised in and how it's thinking SO does not line up with HIS thinking.  But until I can let go of what I THINK is true, and allow Him to lead me on some really out there adventures, then I can't really know WHO He is.... or who He made me to be.  This is building the foundation  of His relationship with me... the building of trust. 

Yes, I am learning to be forward focused.  I look at the person I know He created me to be... His word says it.... Galations 5:22-23²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control."     The Message version says "He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."

 I am learning to TRUST Him that those fruits, those qualities, are in me, despite what my worldly eyes sees coming out of me.  I tell Him "My heart is not exactly right in this situation but I have to focus on what I believe you are telling me to do, and trust YOU to make my heart right.  I can't let those little bad thoughts and emotions distract me.  YOU take care of it, God..." 

 Remember, fruit trees don't spring into full fledged orchards over night.  It is a process... a long process.....  Your fruit will take your whole life time to come to maturation.  And you don't see the fruit trees grunting and straining to produce the fruit, and whipping themselves when they can't make it happen.  I like to think it is because their focus is so much on watching God and seeing what He is doing, that they don't even notice that they themselves are growing just by learning who He is.  (I know, fruit trees can't think but bear with me here.  I'm making a point!)


No, the growth and blessings that are happening in my life right now are not of my effort.  Oh yes, for my part, I seek Him out often.  I go to the lake most mornings, even if I have to leave my car running with the heat or air on, and I spend time journalling, talking to Him, singing praise songs.  But you know what.... 

As I'm writing what is coming to me is that I am the one who reaps the benefits from this time.  Yes, He ADORES spending time with me.  What is a relationship if only one party is chasing the other around?  My most precious friendships are the ones that I take time to contact regularly by phone, text, email, facebook and mainly, in person.  The benefits are, when I spend time with God, I come away feeling renewed, refreshed and excited for what He has in store today. 

It is then that I sometimes will have a "revelation" into yet another aspect of His personality or what He adventure He would like me to join Him on.  Often tho, He will continue to "talk" to me long after I have turned my attention to my busy day.  I will hear a random comment from someone, or a random thought will float thru my head, that will make me think "AH HA!  Is that YOU God??"  And it will be something that I will go to Him and discuss/pray over.

I happen to think that so many wonderful things are happening right now because FINALLY trust, faith, believing, is being strengthened in me.  These things, the heart knowledge, the blessings, were all waiting for me all along I just couldn't believe that I "deserved them."  Uh... God is not keeping score.  But how can we even know to reach for the blessings He is handing us if we can't even believe... trust... have faith in... He wants to give them to us.  

What would life be like... what would you do.... if you did not put any limits on God, on what He can do? What if you could trust in things that appeared to be pure nonsense?... Believe, simply believe....

Well, I started this post with a few quotes from the amazing Willie Wonka, and I have another that is a fitting way to end it:
 

Willy Wonka: [singing] There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be. 

If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it.....