Dear Heavenly Father..... WHAT AM I DOING?!!! WHAT AM I THINKING?!! AM I CRAZY?!!!
Father, as I start my first day of online college today, in this stage of my life, PLEASE be with me. Please show me if I am just wasting time that could be spent living. Father, I need you with me on this journey. I now understand the freak out my youngest son had last summer, when the reality of college being just a year a way hit him in the face.
I guess I should follow the advice I gave him, huh, Father....
"Take it one step at a time. You don't have to know your destination. Just take the first step and you will begin to sense if the path you are on is beginning to veer in this or that direction."
"Nothing you learn will be wasted. It will all be put to use somewhere in your job or life."
"Quit looking at the big picture and look at the next step in front of you."
But Father, my son will be 18 on his first day of college. I am 49....
Yes, Father, I know.... I've been running into so many messages lately that say "Follow your dream", that I can't deny it must be you encouraging me as I did my son.
But what if I'm not sure what my dream really is? I want to write, to speak and to be able to help others through counseling when they are in a hard place, and even drug and alcohol counseling. I'm saying I want to be a psychologist tho something feels a little off in me when I say that. I don't have certainty... But again, I need to follow my own advice to others, don't I....?
"You don't have to know what you want to do. As you travel this journey, you will begin to sense the direction you want to go...."
In other words, I don't have to decide what I want to be when I grow up, yet...
Father, I feel a sense of your peace now. Thanks for being there when I freak out. Yes, I'm sure there will be more times of feeling fear at the thought of investing the countless hours and years in an education now...at the time when my life is half over. But Father, I would encourage anyone, no matter their age, to pursue their dreams so I guess it's time I begin to encourage myself in the same way.
My life is not ending just because my youngest has graduated high school and that phase of life is over. It's not time to pull up a rocker, drape my blanket over my shoulder, and wait to die. It's just beginning again.... It's my second chance to do the things I wanted to do but didn't follow thru with when I was 18.
Thank you, Lord for second chances, and third chances, and countless chances.
I love you and I praise you, Lord.... Amen
