Have you ever been somewhere and two girls start spitting and scratching at each other, pulling hair, rolling around on the ground? Someone yells "Catfight!!" and everyone rushes to gather around.
This morning my thoughts turned to this deep need I now have in my walk with God to identify and flee from anything that smacks of religious slavery. He has given me a taste of what it looks like to walk in spiritual freedom in so many areas of my life, and I now CRAVE that freedom!
Like the girl in the picture above, I literally feel something inside me start to resist slavery by kicking, bucking, scratching, pushing away.... Let me give you another illustration.
Have you ever seen a child sweetly hugging a cat? The cat normally just lazily hangs from the arms that are gently cradling him. However, let that child start to squeeze that cat and refuse to let him go. What happens then? That cat begins to arch his back, push all four paws forcefully against those arms restraining him, then finally lashes out in all out fear and fury, spitting and clawing anything within his reach! WHOA! CATFIGHT!
I will confess that lately I have found that wildly flailing cat come out in me. I have prayed over it the last few days and what hit me this morning was a realization that I am in a growing season. Have you heard the saying "fight or flight"? It means that our human tendency, when we get in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation, is usually to put up a fight against it, or to flee from it.
I have always been someone who flees, except for with the people closest to me, whom I choose to fight. Except for with my close inner circle, I have always been very passive and hated conflict. I feel that I do need to find a balance in this area.
I have a close friend who is a phenomenal lady. We are both going through a growing season that seems to be producing a lot of thorns between us for a time. Lately things between us have gotten so uncomfortable that I have difficulty being open with her. Loyalty is a very strong trait of mine so this desire to retreat from her in an effort to find safety bothers me.
My amazing friend is going thru a time of finding out who she is in Christ. She is going through a time of learning to love herself and to accept herself unconditionally.... as am I. I have a passionate belief that this growth is necessary in our quest to living lives of freedom. Is it easy? No! I feel like I'm floundering in a very precious relationship. However, I know that we both need the freedom to grow, to stretch and to become more confident in who we are. But, in this process, each of is occasionally feeling "squashed like a bug" by the other.
In thinking about this life of freedom that Christ offers us, I began to ponder "How is it that I am desperate to walk in freedom, but I am resisting her walk of freedom? Why is she resisting mine?" What floated through my mind was "We can't let our freedom squash others...." Whoa.... heavy, dude.... All that the Law says can be summed up in the command to love others as much as you love yourself. Galatians 5:14
Me, my friend... nobody... should squash others in their attempt to find freedom. This is a new thought for me. I know my friend and I are in tough growing periods right now so don't we need to extend grace to each other and just suck it up??
Well, this area right here is where MY season of growth is - Boundaries. Where do I draw boundaries? Maybe the way to love her, and myself, is to allow each of us breathing room. Maybe this is just a time to relax and enjoy each others company instead of being each others go to girl with the heavy stuff. I will begin a time of really praying over this and asking for wisdom and direction. I have no answers at this time so back to my train of thought.
As usual, when I see a flaw in someone else, I turn to myself and search to see if I find that flaw in me. If not, then why not? Am I just ignoring the log in my eye while I point out the splinter in someone else's? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Matthew 7:5 NIV)
What came to me was that I genuinely keep an eye out to how I am affecting others. I do tread carefully and try not to offend or wound someone. I normally genuinely feel uncomfortable when I am allowing myself freedom in an area that the bible warns against: If you are guided by the Spirit, you won’t obey your selfish desires. The Spirit and your desires are enemies of each other. They are always fighting each other and keeping you from doing what you feel you should.Galatians 5:16
If I don't feel uncomfortable doing something, then I try not to worry about it. I used to dig, poke and prod around inside my spirit trying to figure out if this or that was ok. Now I just leave it up to the Holy Spirit inside me to begin to make me uneasy with something I am doing.
Often it's not the Holy Spirit that tells me something is not healthy, it is me getting myself in a mess where something uncomfortable happens to show me that I am not on the right course.
People’s desires make them give in to......shameful deeds. They .... hate others, and are hard to get along with. People become jealous, angry, and selfish. They not only argue and cause trouble, but they are envious.... Galatians 5:19-20
I used to read verses like this and become petrified that I was going to hell, because I was all of those things. Even after being saved I was all of those things!!! Sis, I'm here to tell you that being fearful and ashamed of those things allowed them to dig their claws in deeper. The shame and fear drove me to being even more angry and hard to get along with. I was like that spitting, biting cat. God and others seemed to be telling me that I am unacceptable unless I clean those things up, so it placed a feeling of slavery on me, and I absolutely could not keep myself from fighting against it. CATFIGHT!
I guess I still feel that way at times. If I think someone is feeling that I am failing, I feel that need to scratch, bite and hiss try to creep out! No wonder I don't care for cats! Haha
But, after fighting for self change and failing miserable for way too long, I began to surrender and just tell God "I can't keep trying to fix myself. I'm moving forward in life and leaving you to focus on cleaning up the mess inside me." Since I was accepting myself right where I was, recognizing that I couldn't change me, I started focusing on the wonderful things life has to offer.
The shame and guilt began to melt away, and God was then able to start healing those things inside of me that were telling me that I was NOT the righteousness of Christ. I already WAS, but I kept magnifying those things I hated about myself, instead of agreeing with God that I WAS righteous. I feel like I'm getting into some "Christianese" speak here so feel free to ask questions if you need to.
Most of us read the bible and take everything as a commandment. For me, through the lens of God's love, I see these things as cautions... as promises. When we do whatever we want, God loves us just as fiercely. However, doing whatever we want isn't freedom. It brings slavery. My intepretation of slavery is "when you feel you have to hide things you are doing, when you feel trapped by the things you are doing, when you feel heavy and not at peace because of the things you are doing." How could living like that be considered freedom?!
Many of the choices that I have made in my own life has caused me to be in slavery. Suffering the consequences of those choices, whether it be a hangover, or just suffering the guilt and shame of my actions were definitely not freeing. I would have to say, however, that the deepest pit of slavery I got into was the pit of shame and guilt. When I came to God and asked for forgiveness, those things were forgiven and forgotten.... by Him at least. Not by me. Refusing to believe that I was no longer guilty is what caused the absolute WORST consequences in my life, more than any others.
As I'm writing what is coming to me is, for me, those sins I committed were NOT the actual root of my problem. Yes, if I had not committed those sins then I would not have set the ball of slavery in motion. However, the root of ALL of this was the shame and guilt. I unconsciously put up a wall.... a steel barrier actually.... that God could not penetrate because of my shame.
Now, don't start booing and hissing at me here, but I'm going to go so far as to say that it was the shame, not the sin, that distanced me from God. Not that He want's me to sin. Heaven's no! Sin brings it's own consequences that make our lives so much more difficult!!! But when we do sin, no matter what it is, if we can honestly go to Him and just confess it, and believe... just believe.... that He has forgiven it, THAT allows Him continued access to work and move in healing us inside to the point where we outgrow that sin.
This verse gives you some insight as to what it means to walk in freedom "God's Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled...." Galatians 5:22 Religion makes us believe that we have to make ourselves these things, when in reality it is only HIM that can do it in us. Yes, when we accept Him as our saviour, those things are put IN us. However, He then begins the loooong process of bringing them OUT in us. Shame and trying to fix ourselves hinders this process greatly.
For some of you, I know this will be a hard concept to grasp so I am going to leave you with a few quotes I found online. And remember... believe..... just believe.....
Believe like a child, love with an open mind, lose gracefully, accept failure, learn from mistakes...
You know those relationships when one partner keeps on hurting the other partner and yet hurt party keeps on forgiving and taking them back each time? We never understand why. And sometimes get angry at the forgiving person because we know they're going to get hurt again. Have you thought of our relationship with God that way? We hurt him by sinning every day - and yet he takes us back every day. When we're lost, He goes out of His way to find us. He doesn't love us because of our works. He loves us because He IS LOVE and simply can not help it!
