A Helping Hand Out of the Pit......
I am facing my past at this moment, but not in a way you might expect. I am forced to sit on the sidelines, wringing my hands, as my heart hurts for someone who is going through the very things that almost destroyed my life.
Actually, those things did destroy life as I knew it. However, the things that were meant for my harm were used for the good. Those things have paved the way for me to become softer, gentler and more loving. What were those weapons of mass destruction?
They were overwhelming fear, crushing condemnation, toxic self hatred, debilitating doubt and feelings of black, oppressive failure. I lived in what felt like total darkness, for a period of time. It was a life devoid of the light that love, faith, hope, joy and peace brings. I lived, for a season, in depression and the severe psychosis that spirit numbing fear can bring. What was I afraid of? God and failing at keeping His "religious rules." I didn't recognize it at the time, but I was following man made interpretations of Him and His rules.
Thankfully I was rescued from that life by a God who would not give up on me. Even though I felt He had completely deserted me, I now KNOW He was down in that miry pit with me. He was the one fighting the demons that tormented my soul. He was the one keeping me safe even when I was in the bowels of hell in my mind and spirit.
Now I have run into a dear sweet woman who seems to be stumbling around in that cloudy haze of deception that the enemy uses to blind us. Like I was, she is absolutely terrified of being out of God's will. She feels that she ended up in some horrible places because she took herself out of His will.
To me, as someone reflecting on her own past, He focus wasn't on me being in His will. He knew fear drove me to make the choices I did. He knew, like with my friend, He is in a battle with the enemy. This woman, like me, He see's as beautiful, precious, innocent and desperately wanting to please Him.
I think my friend, so desperately holding on to Him even when she feels out of control, is right where she needs to be. She IS in His will when she is refusing to give up on HIM. It's not the places she stumbles into as she is trying to outrun the demons who are chasing her that are His focus..... It's not the things fear drives her to do that He looks at.... No... It's her desperate need for Him that tugs at His heart.
"For the Lord says, “Because he loves me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in my name." Psalm 91:14
"I sought (inquired of) the Lord and required Him [of necessity and on the authority of His Word], and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4
Even when one reaches a place where they no longer feel God hears them.... Even when it feels their faith is completely gone and the opportunity to have Him in their life is destroyed.... Even when they give up.... Even then.... It is still the longing in their hearts to feel Him again that He see's. That longing may only be a tiny bit of ash left lying in the deep recesses of their dead heart... but HE can bring that spark back to life.
I feel so helpless when I listen to this amazing woman because I remember how no one could get through to me. But as I type, I also remember that no one I knew had experienced this so they just couldn't understand. I have experienced this. I do understand.....
I am praying, asking God to show me how I can come alongside her to somehow help her through this time. What has come to me is to just walk beside her. Allow her to feel and express these emotions and thoughts she has. Allow her to know this is not crazy talk. It's a very real valley... pit.... she is traveling through.
As someone who has climbed out of that pit and is standing on the other side, I can tell her that life is glorious over here. Is it easy? No. Is it pain free and fear free? No. Do I have all the answers? No. But there is a sensitivity, a heart that feels the pain of others and not just their own. There is a peace underneath the surface turmoil. And there is a trust in God that was never there before.
No, this journey has not been the easiest or the most fun. But I'm still here. And amazingly, FINALLY, I feel I am reaching a place in life where my earthly wants for stuff, things, people, is being replaced by a desire to give... to be the one who can in some way enrich another person's life, instead of demanding that they enrich mine.
I hope in some way that I can be one who God can work through to give light, hope, laughter and love to the people I come into contact with. Yes, there is still a lot of "Me" in my life. But as "Me" begins to soften and strengthen through the difficulties life brings, instead of harden and weaken, my priories are finally straightening out.
I'm finding that while my heart hurts for others and for what they have to go through, it also sings because He has allowed me to be a part of their world. It soars at the hope and the desire to come alongside them and hopefully be able to shoulder some of their burden.
No, I don't rejoice because they are suffering but I do know that they will learn, grow, strengthen and find peace as they survive this temporary affliction. I do rejoice because I know God came alongside me and helped me through, and now He allows the knowledge I learned through my trials, to help others. It's amazing......
"He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." 2 Corinthians 1:4
