We All Fall Down...

I feel the need to assure you that it is very normal for you to make mistakes.... to fail.   I use the word fail loosely because I believe it is US who see's things as failures.  God says He can use ALL things for the good of those who love Him.

 He see's your heart and He see's that strong desire to do what is right.  He KNOWS how early you are in your walk with Him.  Maybe you have even been a Christian for many years but still don't "hear" God.  Now is a good time to start!

How I started to feel more comfortable following up on what I believe is God's "voice" is by being willing to fail.  Believe me, that was NOT easy for me!  I was so afraid of making a mistake and ruining EVERYTHING that I always questioned and refused to take a chance that it was God prompting me.

I heard a few people say that you come to recognize God's leading by obeying "nudges" that you feel.  As you step out and follow these nudges, you will become more able to identify what is most likely from God.  You will make many mistakes so just accept that fact now and understand that He is up there cheering you on for your courage and determination to come to know Him better.  Now, courage does not mean lack of fear, it means doing something in spite of the fear.

In learning to "hear" from God, reading the bible is a big help here.  As you read, ask HIM to reveal to you what He wants you to learn.  20,000 people can explain one passage to you and each may have a different understanding.  If you are like I was, you don't want to make a mistake in your understanding of His word so you WANT other people to give you the definite answers. 

This was a big place where I had to step out and start responding to what I felt was nudges from God.  I had to learn to trust that He IS speaking directly to me thru His word, even if my understanding differed from all others around me.  That doesn't mean that I discounted their opinions but it did mean that I went to Him in prayer and asked Him to speak to my heart.  If I continued to feel strongly that my understanding was from Him, I went in that direction.

Also, starting to gain knowledge from the bible will help you to identify what nudges may or may not be from God.  If you have a nudge to slap someone up side the head, you should be able to know that this is NOT from God! Haha! If you have a nudge to steal something, again you'll know that this does not line up with God's character.

And now we've come full circle... back to what I've talked about in other posts.  Your relationship with Him is key.  It is only by having that as a foundation, by asking Him to reveal Himself to you, that you can have an understanding as to His nature.  You can read the bible all you want but unless you read it with a heart that is asking Him to reveal who He is, you will just end up with a head full of knowledge but a heart that is empty of His compassion, His joy, His truth.

My hope is that you feel encouraged by my telling you to relax.  This all takes alot of time.  Some may get it quicker than others but in my life "slow and steady wins the race."  I tried to rush to catch up with all the more mature christian sisters in ministry that I knew, and I crashed and burned.

I did a 21 day fast 4 (?) years ago where I ate only peanut butter and drank orange juice.  Now, I don't recommend this.  There are healthier ways to do this.  I ended up with horrendous pain from orange juice acid not properly digesting!  Yikes!  Anyway, I DID get what I truly believe was insight from God.

I remember praying once during this time and crying out "God, I feel like I'm missing something!"  It was like plain as day the thought came thru my head "You are... You are so busy trying to keep up with the big dogs that you are missing things I'm trying to show you..."  Now, I know the words "big dogs" don't sound like God but sometimes I believe He says things in a way that will make the biggest impact on our own unique understanding.

The understanding that rose up in me when I heard this thought was that I am trying so hard to be "mature" that I was missing the necessary growth process.  I will tell you that I did feel like a preschooler taking advanced college classes.  I was so out of my league!

I'm going to tell you something you may have heard before but didn't really heed.  Quit resisting where you are right now in your growth process.  Sometimes I think God deliberately slows us down for what ever reason He may think is necessary.  Don't beat yourself up for not "getting it."  It will come.  Maybe not as fast as you would like but just relax, enjoy it....

Quit looking for "right" or "wrong" answers from God.  Just ask Him to enable you to sense His leading.  It's not about right or wrong.  It's about following Him.  It's about relationship with Him.  Stop doing things just because you "should".  Now, we all have responsibilities that have to be done: our jobs, taking care of family, etc.  But tithing just because you "should", volunteering just because you "should", going to church just because you "should", etc.  are keeping you from walking in freedom.

What I am saying is not a ticket to a free ride.  I am not saying just stop and focus on you.  What I AM saying is, if you have a heart for God then when you stop all the "shoulding" and start to trust that God loves you right where you are, without you "earning" anything from Him, then you will start to relax.  You will start to be able to identify what God is prompting you to do over what is often empty activities that He has never asked you to do.

It took me a good two or three years of stopping most activities before I was relaxed enough to start to hear Him over my inner guilt to "do" , or over others expectations of what I should do.  I just spent that time focusing on learning about His love.  I hungrily devoured books that were focused on relationship with Him, on His love for me.  I listened to Wayne Jacobsen's Lifejourney Podcasts often.  I spent time singing praise songs and talking to Him about all the junk that was inside me.  I learned to quit pretending with myself and with Him.

As Christians we can become good at pushing down what is unpleasant truths about ourselves.  We expect ourselves to ACT and THINK like a Christian so what doesn't line up with that get's swept under a mask we hold carefully in place.  However, inside we become a mess.  We can start to feel like our life is a lie.  Or worse, we deceive ourselves so completely, convinced because we are living such a disciplined life, that we start to become VERY judgmental of others who are not. 

In a nutshell, when the inner most depths of us do not match up with the outside, we are not congruent.  In other words, we are not the same on the inside as we portray on the outside.

The outside of us should be a reflection of the inner us.  When it is not, we are not at peace.  I have found, for me, focusing on letting Him love me to wholeness has brought so much more growth, honesty, and unselfishness to my life than all the other religious activities I got into just because I should.